And I don’t know what to do about it.

How do you live your life to the fullest, when you just absolutely have to do some things that make you feel like it’s time being wasted?

I’m helping out at my dad’s business, and by helping, that pretty much means sitting at a desk doing close to nothing for 8 hours a day. I have thoroughly read every article on msn, yahoo, and aol. This is not my idea of a summer day. But my dad needs my help, desperately.

The window teases me as I sit next to it, the blue sky is mocking my agenda for the day. Now, I know that it’s pretty melodramatic and stupid to complain about a job, or the fact that I’m helping out my dad, after all he’s given up for me in my lifetime. But I have a new found strive to live my life to the absolute fullest every second I’m given. Somehow, this job isn’t making me feel like I’m living. And I’m not naieve to the fact that every second of the rest of my life won’t be guaranteed hapiness, that there will be ups and downs just like this one.

But life is too short. I want to get off my butt and do something about it.

The worst feeling in the world is laying in bed at the end of the day feeling unaccomplished. I always think to myself at the end of every day, “What did I do today to make things better? How did I work towards getting closer to what I want out of life?” Truly, if I can’t answer that question with a substantial something, it’s hard to sleep soundly.

I think I’m finally learning what it means to be driven. And that’smy ultimate goal for my life; to do things, to make things happen, to work hard, and to be able to say at the end of the day, every day “I did all I could do today. I’m content.”

I can’t say that these days.

I feel restless and bored, as always after being home for a few weeks.

It’s quite a sad phenom, considering that I call such a huge house like this home. So much space to spread out but never anyone to actually fill it. Story of my life. There’s no fun to be had during the day mostly, working for my dad is the border-line most boring job on the planet, and most conversations with my mom these days are about Obama being the devil and her other melodramatic ideas. I can’t complain however, because it’s nice to be with them for a while.

But I’m definitely going through excitement withdrawals… And more specifically, Durango withdrawals. I can’t even create my own excitement here,that’s how dull it can get. I want Wednesdays at the Wildhorse after senate, lunch with friends, Newman club shenanigans, and being able to just jump in the car and go camping with my friends if I feel like it.

I get all up in my head when I’m home…there’s too much time to think and I get caught up in stupid crap that I’m better at moving past when I’m away. I lose confidence here, because I go back to the Hannah I was in high school, and who I’ve changed from immensely.

So now I cat wait to get back to school, but for now I’m getting excited and eager to get to Winter Park. Soon.